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 F*** My Life

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SuperSteele22
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SuperSteele22

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Age : 26
Location : Cooking up a Rioli

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PostSubject: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeThu Mar 12, 2009 11:40 am

http://www.fmylife.com/

Lol, some of the funny stories on this website are just hilarous. Laughing

This one hahaha:
Quote :
Today, I walked behind a girl I hooked up with last weekend while she was on the computer in the library. I noticed she was looking at my facebook page and got excited. Then I heard her say to her friend, "This is the one smallest penis I have ever seen." FML

Haha post some of your favourites. Smile
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Hendo Maroon
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Hendo Maroon

Posts : 12596
Age : 33
Location : DOG Squad

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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeThu Mar 12, 2009 11:54 am

Haha they are a good read this is my fav

Today, I found out that the electric nose hair clippers that I've been using for the past two years are in fact my father's pubic hair trimmers. FML

haha and this one, sounds like TheFeldster

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML
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SuperSteele22
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SuperSteele22

Posts : 2408
Age : 26
Location : Cooking up a Rioli

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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeThu Mar 12, 2009 11:58 am

Lol yeah great one.

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents. It got to an intense sex scene. I felt grateful when I saw his father reaching for the remote to fastforward past the scene. He put it into slowmotion. We watched in silence for about 3 minutes before he managed to fix it. FML

Today, I tried to prove to my dad that he snores by secretly putting a tape recorder under his bed. I soon found out my parents had sex that night. Apparently, my mom likes to talk dirty. FML

Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in our relationship and it was great. He drove me back to my house and walked me to the door, then instead of kissing me goodbye he patted me on the back. Twice. FML
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Hendo Maroon
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Hendo Maroon

Posts : 12596
Age : 33
Location : DOG Squad

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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeThu Mar 12, 2009 12:01 pm

Today, I bought a parakeet for my kids. When I got home and presented it to them, they wanted to let him fly around inside. We went around the house making sure all the windows and doors were shut. Unfortunately I forgot to turn off the ceiling fan. FML

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"There's nothing finer than having a Vagina"
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SuperSteele22
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SuperSteele22

Posts : 2408
Age : 26
Location : Cooking up a Rioli

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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeThu Mar 12, 2009 12:05 pm

Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML
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Black Bird
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Black Bird

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Age : 114

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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeThu Mar 12, 2009 12:22 pm

Hotdogs wrote:
Lol yeah great one.

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents. It got to an intense sex scene. I felt grateful when I saw his father reaching for the remote to fastforward past the scene. He put it into slowmotion. We watched in silence for about 3 minutes before he managed to fix it. FML

Today, I tried to prove to my dad that he snores by secretly putting a tape recorder under his bed. I soon found out my parents had sex that night. Apparently, my mom likes to talk dirty. FML

Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in our relationship and it was great. He drove me back to my house and walked me to the door, then instead of kissing me goodbye he patted me on the back. Twice. FML


hahahhaha that is classic
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http://www.teals_hot_mum.com
TheFeldster
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TheFeldster

Posts : 11569
Age : 29
Location : Adelaide

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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeThu Mar 12, 2009 12:29 pm

Hendo Maroon wrote:


haha and this one, sounds like TheFeldster

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML

Laughing
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Megadeecee
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Megadeecee

Posts : 6119
Age : 43
Location : Bungle Bungles

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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeThu Mar 12, 2009 6:05 pm

cheers
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SuperSteele22
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SuperSteele22

Posts : 2408
Age : 26
Location : Cooking up a Rioli

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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeFri Mar 13, 2009 12:44 pm

Today, my boss forgot her meeting with an official from the military base and called to ask me to handle it. The very cute Marine showed up that afternoon and we talked for an hour. After he left, I realized I had forgotten about the paper mustache I taped to my face for fun that morning. FML

Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while, and my dad said, "honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" and walked out of the room. FML

Laughing Laughing Laughing
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DaneSwan#36
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DaneSwan#36

Posts : 10656
Age : 25
Location : Brisbane QLD

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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeFri Mar 13, 2009 12:51 pm

LOL @ the bottom 2 of Hotdogs ones.
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SuperSteele22
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SuperSteele22

Posts : 2408
Age : 26
Location : Cooking up a Rioli

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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeSat Mar 14, 2009 8:30 am

Today, I was talking to my grandmother, who was lying down on the couch under a blanket watching TV. As I was leaving, I said "See you later Nana," and patted her on the shoulder. Her shoulder was soft, and moved more than I expected. It was her boob. I felt up my grandma. FML
Laughing
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Guest
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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeSat Mar 14, 2009 8:33 am

You dirty bastard. lol. Coming onto your own Grandma. Didn't think you were that desparate Laughing
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SuperSteele22
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SuperSteele22

Posts : 2408
Age : 26
Location : Cooking up a Rioli

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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeSat Mar 14, 2009 8:35 am

Its a good thing these aren't my stories. Smile
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SMASH
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SMASH

Posts : 4881
Location : Melbourne

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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeSat Mar 14, 2009 8:38 am

Ford Champion wrote:
You dirty bastard. lol. Coming onto your own Grandma.
wow. Thought that had a different meaning there...
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Broncos11
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Broncos11

Posts : 6226
Location : Brisbane

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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeSat Mar 14, 2009 8:47 am

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

Laughing
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Chelsea4Lyf
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Chelsea4Lyf

Posts : 2189
Location : Fulham Broadway Station

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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeSat Mar 14, 2009 9:16 am

Ratboy_oo7 wrote:
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

Laughing

Bowdown
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Chelsea4Lyf
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Chelsea4Lyf

Posts : 2189
Location : Fulham Broadway Station

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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeSat Mar 14, 2009 9:29 am

Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML

Today, my mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads. I suggested I get tampons instead, so that I can go swimming at my boyfriend's cottage. My mother then goes to the nearest store employee and asks, "excuse me, if my daughter uses a tampon, does that mean she is no longer a virgin?" FML

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

Today, I was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party. Later I find out that while I was passed out two of my friends came in and had sex while I was in the same bed. They tried to use me as a prop. Now my friends call me the love wedge. FML

lol!
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Chelsea4Lyf
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Chelsea4Lyf

Posts : 2189
Location : Fulham Broadway Station

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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeSat Mar 14, 2009 9:31 am

Hahahahahah this one is great too

Today, I got my first tattoo. It was a surprise for my fiance: our names together over a heart. I went home but before I could show him, he said we had to have a 'talk.' Now my ex's name is tattooed on my back. The kicker? Turns out I'm allergic to the ink. FML
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Niv
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Niv

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Age : 28
Location : Adelaide

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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeSat Mar 14, 2009 9:43 am

Chelsea4Lyf wrote:
Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

Roflwaffles! XD
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DB
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DB

Posts : 7357
Age : 29
Location : Canberra

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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeMon Oct 19, 2009 2:23 am

im liking that MLIA site now Razz just been reading some this morning trying to not do assignments Razz

Quote :
Today I was sitting at a red light and a car pulled up next to me. Their music was up really loud and kind of getting on my nerves. As I sat there listening, I realized it was 'The Imperial March.' I looked over to see Darth Vader staring me down from the passenger seat. We stared at each other, I in awe, for about 20 seconds until the light changed. The car sped away as Darth held a red lightsaber out the window. I must find these people. MLIA.


thought this one was hilarious....
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KromyD
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KromyD

Posts : 4804
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Location : Mangere

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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeMon Oct 19, 2009 2:30 am

Hotdogs wrote:
Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

Hahahaha i would use that as a pick up line if anything? lol
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Gramsy23
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Gramsy23

Posts : 1284
Age : 30
Location : Caboolture, Queensland

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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeMon Oct 19, 2009 3:25 pm

Today I found out that my father named me Luke so he could say "Luke, I am your father" and laugh about it. FML

made me chuckle
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Gramsy23
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Gramsy23

Posts : 1284
Age : 30
Location : Caboolture, Queensland

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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeMon Oct 19, 2009 4:27 pm

Today, I had to give a speech on the importance of dental hygiene. I got really nervous, so I did what I've heard in movies. I pictured everyone naked, began staring at a hot blonde in the front, and got hard. FML


bahahahaha
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Owlsbiggestfan
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Owlsbiggestfan

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Age : 24

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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeTue Oct 20, 2009 12:40 pm

Today, when I proposed to my girlfriend of 8 years, she said no because she thought we were moving too fast. FML

Today, I was driving down the road when a dog suddenly runs across the street. In attempt to spare its life, I swerved to the side of the road and rear-ended another car. The car I hit belonged the family that owned the dog. Now I have to pay them because I saved their dog's life. FML

Lol this site is awesome
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DaneSwan#36
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DaneSwan#36

Posts : 10656
Age : 25
Location : Brisbane QLD

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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitimeTue Oct 20, 2009 12:44 pm

Laughing @ the second one Razz
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PostSubject: Re: F*** My Life   F*** My Life Icon_minitime

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